Bringing Up Father

An article written by my friend WooWoo about his parenting experience has inspired me to share some interesting parenting on this blog to express.

The following is an excerpt of WooWoo's original article in Chinese which I have translated:

[Quote]

"My 4-year-old son is now at an age when he 'appears to understand yet doesn't really understand', and likes to ask "why?" about everything.

Both my wife and I found his questioning stressful, so we bought a VCD entitled 'Answers To Your Child's Questions Why'. Answers to various types of questions in different categories could be found in the VCD.

I thought that I could now leave it to the 'experts' to provide the answers to questions of a 4 or 5 year-old child in a simple, easy to understand manner.

However, this was not to be so.

A 4-year-old child is not really interested in knowing "Why an aeroplane can fly in the sky?", "Why are there clouds?", "Why does it rain?", "Why flu cause blocked nose?" and other related questions.

Don't know what I am talking about?

OK. For instance, when I was driving, my son asked, "Dad, why are you driving the car?"

"My good boy, its because I am fetching you to grandma's house".

"Dad, why do you want to fetch me to grandma's house?"

"Dear son, its because grandma have not seen you for a long time".

"Dad, why grandma have not seen me for a long time?"

At this stage, I was becoming impatient and replied, "Because you have not visited grandma for a long time".

My son was apparently enjoying the 'Question and Answer' session and his next question was "Why have I not visited grandma for a long time?"

He was endlessly finding questions to my answers, and I have to look for answers to his questions, endlessly.

In fact, my son doesn't care about my answers. He will just add 'Why' to my previous answer for his next question.

Although I had to focus my attention and "squeeze my brain juice" to reply him, he only treat it as a game and found it fun.

I had to be careful not to create difficult questions to answer.

Once, I became agitated by his questioning and said, "If you continue questioning, I will beat you".

In his innocent, cute childish manner, he asked, "Dad, why will you beat me if I continue to ask questions?"

I have no choice but to continue playing this little game with him.

"Because Dad is very angry".

"Dad, why are you very angry".

"Because you are asking questions non-stop ".

"Why am I asking questions non-stop".

"Because you are inquisitive".

"Dad, why am I inquisitive?"

"Because you are a child. You are really stupid".

"Dad, why am I a child? Why am I really stupid?"

Oh my God, who is there to help me...

'Why am I a child? Why am I really stupid?" .... what kind of a question is this? How do I answer him?

Really, each time I play this game with my son, I became exasperated. At the end of the game session, I am the one who feel stupid.

[Unquote]

The picture which accompany this blog shows a wide-eyed child looking bewildered and helpless, wondering what was happening and why he was being punished.

Was he the 'whipping boy' for his parents to vent their anger over something that has nothing to do with him?

He was probably saying, "Please don't cane me. I promise not to do it again. Please don't punish me." He was kneeling down and pulling his ears to show that he was sorry and will remember not to repeat the mistakes he had made.

Does he deserve a punishment for being naughty? Or for playing a game which he thought was fun, as in the case of WooWoo's son.

As in all games, the best sportsman is the one who plays the game with skills and keeps his cool, regardless of whether he is the winner or the loser...not the one who gets angry because he does not always win.

But was punishment meted out by a parent in a moment of anger the best way to discipline a child?

Is the age-old adage "Spare the rod and spoil the child" the gospel truth?

Surely there are better ways to teach a child, with love. 

The important thing is that he will understand the lessons of parental love.

But it will need a great deal of patience and self restraint on the part of the parent. It is certainly not easy.

The answer is with the parent or teacher....not the child.

The parent or teacher are forever learning too. We remain as a child until we are fully enlightened (which I am not), a Buddhist friend once told me.

The lessons are from our own personal experience in life; because there were no straight-forward answers to every given situation and applicable to every individual person.

Someone once said, "Life is not a problem to be solved. It is a mystery to be unravelled".

Is it true? 

Someone please give me the answers. I am getting to become like WooWoo's son :)

I am fast approaching my 'second childhood' phase, I guess.